FEAR AND ANXIETY

To all those who read my story I wish the freedom I experience in body mind and spirit in deep gratitude to God, to Fr. Vijay and to my institute.

The main reason of going to XTC was to find out what stress factors caused my arthritis for which I was on treatment for 2 years. After being treated for the same in Hungary where I am sent on mission I was following the Ayurvedic treatment in Kerala for another year. I was much better of course but I could not walk without pain and the swelling on the knees still persisted. My friend suggested me to go there. So I went there just for curiosity sake. The first day itself I realised that there is more work than finding out the reason for my knee problem. I It was for the first time that I hear of burning the negatives!!

Always I thought that thinking, positively is the solution. For a week I worked very hard on many negatives in my life but I could not find out exactly what is that negative which causes my knee problem. I was astonished at the patience Fr. Vijay had to ask me each time how my knees reacted. In one weeks time I could do very little so with Fr Vijay's encouragement I telephoned to my provincial and got my flight and with it few arrangements changed.

In one weeks time I felt such a freedom within that I longed to come back for another month. But when I thought of the terrible work ahead a cold shiver ran through my spine.!! But Fr's gentle assurance calmed me. Back to Xtc I started working very seriously. To my surprise I realised that ny experience or situation that caused FEAR and ANXIETY there I am with my knees in terrible pain. So I had quite a number of them both great and small to work out. I remember in one of Fr's talks he says that sometimes a moment of negative feeling can cause such terrible effects and I realise it is very true. Each time I came out of one I was eager to get rid of others. The pain in my joints began to come down. After almost 2 years I could walk without pain! How happy I was! At the end of the retreat I could run almost a km without stopping. Still the swelling had not gone completely. I had to leave but now I know how to continue working on it. It is really wonderful to feel free from negatives. We really have to be very simple humble obedient and work very hard!!!

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